06/26/2007 - A close to a journey

I am nearing the close to this incredible journey I've been on for nine months now. Soon we'll be holding our little one and watching this baby grow as we continue to watch our toddler grow. I'm amazed at how fast time goes, how many things we experience in such a small time and how many emotions we go through in a matter of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. We are complex beings as humans and it's interesting to sit back and watch that even for a few minutes.

As I near the end of this journey I've thought and processed through so many things. It's hard to know where to begin in writing and processing all of this. I want to say first that I am incredibly blessed. Blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined my life being. I have one beautiful little boy and will soon have another beautiful little child (and I'm excited to find out if it's a boy or girl!). I have a wonderful husband that I love dearly and who's been my main support through this whole thing. I have a great family and friend network of support. Blessed. I am so blessed.

As the end of this pregnancy comes closer and closer I've had alot to think about and consider. Last week I think I was emotionally ready but not physically ready to do this. I wanted this baby out and wanted so badly to hold this baby and get to know him or her. This week I don't feel like I'm emotionally ready but feel like I'm physically ready. I feel like my body is as ready as it will ever be to take on labor but my heart has been heavy these last few days. Don't get me wrong...I am still very excited to meet our newest little addition. It's just hard for me to imagine not being able to spend those little minutes, seconds, hours with just our little guy. He is so very special to me. Sometimes I wonder if he'll always hold a special place in my heart since he was our first. Today he wanted "snuggwies" (snugglies) so we crawled up on the bed and snuggled for a little bit, just the two of us. Those times are so precious and so very sweet and dear to me. I know that I'll still have those times with him but they won't be as often and will be harder to come by especially in these first few months of newborn world. I love my little guy so very much and my heart sometimes hurts when I think of not being able to give him my undivided attention whenever he needs it.

I've been having a hard time this week, for some odd reason, wrapping my mind around being the mom of two. I've gone through these spurts in this pregnancy but for some reason this week has been especially difficult for me to process through this. Maybe it's just my heart's way of getting me prepared for labor and the changes that are about to take place. Or perhaps it's me being selfish. Whatever it is, I feel like if I could just let go of it that it would allow my body to relax and really let me relax into the labor process and the process of becoming a mom again to a new tiny little human.

Another thing I've been processing is induction or not. I've had a really hard time coming to grips with the subject of induction. I have wanted, this entire pregnancy, to have an unmedicated, all natural labor and delivery. I've been 3 cm dilated for about two weeks now and I'm not going any further. That's not to say that I can't jump quickly to more dilated. I'm just not wanting to induce. Today we set an induction date for August 7 to allow my body to have some time to gear up to labor and delivery and possibly go into labor on my own. I think we might be changing that but we'll see. DH and I talked today awhile after we had some time to process and neither of us feel comfortable waiting that long...in the event that I don't start labor on my own. I called the doc and he said he would see what he can do and will get back with us. I told him that anytime next week is fine. I had originally not wanted to induce at all but after processing, praying and really thinking through the different things that have happened in our past, I feel very at peace with inducing as long as it's right around/on my due date or after. I didn't want to do it this week because I didn't feel like I was ready but now I do. I feel like I'm ready to have this baby and go through the labor process and I'm okay with whatever comes of it, medicated or not. I would prefer to go "natural" but I'm okay with having pain meds if I get to that point.

I think the things listed above are things that I've needed to process through to get myself to the point where I can be ready...you know, ready as I'll ever be. I don't know if you're ever completely ready to go through labor and delivery and to have another baby but I think at this point I feel okay with everything. I feel more relaxed tonight than I did this morning and I'm okay.

I'm hoping and praying that this weekend I go into labor on my own and that things go smoothly and the baby comes quickly. I'm getting anxious to meet him or her and to see what kind of little human God has been fashioning right under my heart.

07/17/2007 - Cherishing...but ready

I've been wanting to write this post for some time now but I haven't been able to put into words what I'm feeling so I'll attempt it now.

This baby is due to arrive in about 12 days. I can't believe that! Time has really flown this pregnancy, maybe because I'm chasing a toddler, maybe because I've had so much going on in general, maybe because I'm not really paying attention to the time, I don't know the reason. I wanted to take some time to sit down and reflect on where I've been, where I've come from, where I am now and where I hope things will go.

I started this journey of pregnancy back in October/November of 2006. We didn't really have any intentions of "trying" to get pregnant at that time. We didn't plan on having a baby in the summer, especially not this one. Our plan was to try to get pregnant in the spring or early summer of 2007 putting us having another very early spring baby or even a late winter baby. Obviously God had other plans because here we are. I started this pregnancy with the reassurance from both my cardiologist and my OB that they thought things would be okay...cautiously optimistic is what I like to call it. I started my monitoring with blood work, an echo and an ultrasound all to date everything and get everything lined up.

You see, two and a half years ago when DS1 was born I had congestive heart failure, peripartum/postpartum cardiomyopathy (weakening of the heart muscle and function) and wasn't sure I was going to be able to recover, much less be able to have another baby. It seemed at that point that we would be the parents of an only child. I grieved, cried, mourned for the children I would never have. After some time of grieving I was able to start the healing process emotionally and spiritually and really be thankful for my experience, my child, my life. I was given a second chance...how could I be mad about that? How could I not see the silver lining in life? As the weeks and months went by my heart slowly improved, they found out I had thyroid problems and put me on medication and that improved how I felt and how my body reacted to things and I was on the road to recovery. I was surviving this PPCM thing. I was going to make it and I was going to conquer it. Part of the emotional healing that I really wanted deep in my heart was to be able to achieve another pregnancy and walk successfully on the road of a healthy, uneventful pregnancy, labor and delivery. So started this journey back in the end of 2006. I wanted...no...I NEEDED this pregnancy to heal completely emotionally. I needed to try it, I needed to be able to find the faith to walk through it and I needed to be given a chance to cherish these very moments in pregnancy to close this chapter in my book of life.

My first trimester was pretty rough with lots of morning sickness. I think it was worse this time around because with a toddler and working I couldn't just lay down and go to sleep whenever I wanted to. When I was pregnant with DS1 I could lay down and take a nap whenever I needed to...not this time. Finally at 12 weeks the morning sickness started to fade and I started to feel like myself again. From there on to this point I have been a mad cleaning and organizing machine. It's like I've been nesting my entire pregnancy. Perhaps that's why I haven't noticed how quickly the time has gone?

My second trimester flew by and I felt great. I had a few ultrasounds in there, some echos, some blood work, lots of blood pressure readings and weight checks to check my fluid levels. We did alot of things as a family over the holiday season and the last few months.

That brings us to trimester 3...38.5 weeks where I currently rest on my ticker of pregnancy. I had my last echo last Tuesday and everything looks *perfect* per the cardiologist. I had my exam by my OB last Wednesday and I was 3 cm dilated. I feel great, perfect, awesome! My weight gain has been minimal, right where it's supposed to be with no swelling, my blood pressure and heart rate have stayed in the normal range and I'm still able to see my feet and toes (they aren't marshmallows like before). My prayer through this pregnancy has been for God to sustain my health and I can only trust that that's what's happening here because it's nothing of my doing. Seems like everything is ready to go huh?

Yes and no.

The one thing that's not ready is my heart...the emotional side that is...not the actual physical anatomical aspect of my heart. I am about 98% sure that I'm closing a chapter in my life...the fertility chapter, the childbearing chapter, the pregnancy chapter. I will probably not walk this road again in my life. While some people would be happy about that, I find myself grieving a certain aspect of that. I really enjoy pregnancy. I enjoy the flutters under my belly button, the kicks and even the painful rolls that I sometimes feel in the middle of the night. I enjoy knowing that I'm growing a tiny human miracle just under my heart. I'm having a hard time closing this chapter in my novel of life. I never wanted to stop at two. We are so completely, entirely, amazingly blessed with our first little miracle and this second little miracle that's soon to come out and meet us...but I'm just not ready to close my heart on the childbearing years. Pregnancy is such a miracle and I've enjoyed being part of the group of very fortunate women in this world that get to experience this amazing journey.

Sometimes though my heart aches. Sometimes I wonder if the pain of wanting (sometimes needing) another child will go away. Does it ever really go away? Do we as women ever really feel fulfilled in that area? I sometimes wonder as I watch the grandmothers of my son as well as my grandmother and other generations of women as they see an infant, a baby, a child, and have a sudden urge to hold, cuddle and smell these sweet little bundles. Is it ever enough?

Today I'm okay. I'm okay with having my two blessings, my two miracles, my two creations from God that He smiled down on us and chose to place in our lives. Today I'm okay with being a mom of two. I'm cherishing every aspect of this pregnancy that I can and every aspect of my toddler's life that I can. It's all going by so quickly. Everyone is always in such a rush to get everything done and forget to take a minute to step back and really see the flowers in our garden of life.

I'm learning to stop and smell the roses more often than not. Alot of times I see life through the eyes of my toddler and that is such an amazing gift. Life is so simple, so free, so innocent.

So for now I'm going to go lay in bed and feel the newest little blessing in our lives kick, punch and roll around knowing that tomorrow or the next day or the next day may be the end of this pregnancy journey for me...and the beginning of the rest of my life with two miraculous wonders.

We are so very blessed. Thank you God...

06/30/2007- Ready and waiting...

I'm working my way towards the end of this pregnancy and today I'm ready. I'm ready to meet our littlest miracle. I'm ready to see what this tiny growing human is. I'm ready to face the challenge of labor, delivery and birth. I'm ready to hold my baby close to my heart instead of carrying him or her in my belly. I'm ready to see my husband fold a newborn gently in his arms. I'm ready to see the look on my little boy's face when he meets his new sibling. I'm ready to stop waddling. I'm ready to stop feeling every ache and pain. I'm ready to move on past the pregnancy point and to the motherhood point with this little green bean.

Today I'm ready and hoping and praying and wanting for this all to start taking place. For the longest time I haven't been ready for one reason or another. I had things I wanted to get done. Places I wanted to go. People I wanted to see. Moments I wanted to experience with JUST a toddler and not a toddler and a newborn. Dates I wanted to go on with DH before we had two littles ones to carry around or find a sitter for.

But today I'm to the point where I'm ready. My list is pretty much complete. The house is clean. The laundry is done. The groceries are bought. The meals are made. I'm relaxed. I'm happy. I'm ready.

God please give me the patience to wait another few weeks to hold my little one...and could I have one, just one, more good night of sleep before this baby comes?

**Doctor update: Today I went in for my 36 week appointment. The ultrasound tech said the baby looks fabulous, the little heart was pumping away and she said everything looks beautiful. Baby was camera shy and kept putting the little arm in front of its face but my mother in law and I got to see it's little eyes, nose and lips and it's little hands and feet and legs. At one point the baby stuck its tongue out and even put its foot in its mouth. Amazing I tell ya!

I'm 2 cm dilated but we all know that doesn't mean a thing. I could walk around like that for weeks still. I'm hoping for my next appointment on July 11 that I've made more progress. I'm getting so excited to meet this baby! So excited...I cannot even express what I'm feeling right now.

06/17/2007 - A week of updates

This week I had a followup echo and things are holding steady. My EF(one of the big indicators of having a recurrence of what I had) hasgone slightly down but my cardio isn't worried about it because myheart isn't dilated and all my valves are doing great, no leakage. Myblood pressure is holding steady around 100/62 and my heart rate is atiny bit up but that's normal for this point in pregnancy. I don'thave any swelling minus my fingers after being out in a hot hot daybut they usually go right back down once I'm in the air conditioning.

I'm at 18 pounds at 35 weeks and I feel pretty good. My back has beenkilling me though. This baby is sitting funky on my pelvis and I justwaddle everywhere now because it's so painful. It's more painful tosit down than anything so I just keep moving. I've been sleepinglonger at night without having to pee which is so lovely! Last nightI actually slept six hours without getting up to go to the bathroombut then when I got up I was so sore from not having moved that Icould hardly get out of bed. I guess it's a trade off huh?Some of our friends had a baby last week and I went to take them ameal on Wednesday and she is so tiny! I can't wait to hold our littleone and see what we're having! The closer I get the more excited Iget. People keep telling me it's so much harder with two and I keep telling DH I think it's all in perspective. I know it's going to be a change and an adjustment but I don't think it's going to besuper hard like everyone says. I may change my mind in a few weeks,hahaha. Everyone always told us that about having a child to begin with and I don't think our lives have changed that much or are that much harder since having DS1 so we'll see.

All I can say is that I'm definitely ready for this and can't wait to meet our little one.The OB is going to do my first internal this Friday because he'll be on vacation the next week. We get our last ultrasound this Friday too to see how baby is growing. I get all my lab work again and then I'll get my lab work again the week he comes back to see how my heart enzymes and electrolytes are holding up as well as a weight check to see what my fluid levels are. I'm hopeful that everything is going to go smoothly. He doesn't want to induce so I'll go to date if this baby decides to keep cooking..unless things start to go bad that is.

Other than that we're moving right along. DH gets his review and raise next month at work which will be nice. He's been at his FT job for a year already. Can you believe that?I'm slowly making and freezing meals for us. I decided not to do them all in one day this time around.

DS1 is learning so much! He has colors, shapes, numbers and this week finally learned his whole alphabet and can identify most of the letters...W being his favorite right now. I'm so proud of him! Plus I wanted him to learn all those things before the baby comes so I don't have to think about "teaching" him so much but more him just learning more things in addition to the "basics" of what he knows now. He's starting to put more sentences and paragraphs together as well as trying out harder words. He's doing excellent with his glasses and keeps them on most of the time. He gets so many compliments about how cute he is and I definitely have to agree. I think glasses give them a whole different level of cuteness! He's doing awesome in his bed too. He hasn't gotten out since a few weeks ago when we put him in the crib at night. I guess that ticked him off enough to make him want to be in his bed. He's taking awesome naps and sleeping well at night and I'm so hoping this continues after this baby gets here.

More baby and family updates to come...

06/07/2007 - Appointment,ultrasound, update

We have a healthy baby!!! We had our ultrasound today to check on baby's growth and I wanted to share about it and my appointment. I'm 32 weeks and a few days and my blood pressure and heart rate are doing wonderfully. Today it was 102/60 and I could not be happier with that number! My weight is staying stable. I haven't gained any since the last visit so I'm officially at 16 pounds so far. That gives me some leeway here in these last few weeks. No swelling or anything which I'm super excited about! He said I did have a small amount of blood in my urine but he wasn't too worried and said I might be working on a bladder infection. Hmm...maybe that's why I've had so much pressure and I've been going to the bathroom so much...well you know aside from the fact that I have a baby sitting on my bladder. I've been going through yogurt alot and I think I'm gonna head and get some cranberry juice just in case. I don't want to be on abx.

We got to see our little munchkin and oh how sweet! I cannot WAIT to meet this little one. Today just made me that much more excited to see this little boy or girl in a few weeks. We could see every tiny little detail of its face. He even showed us that the baby has hair already. He said the little one is measuring at about the 42nd percentile so around 4 pounds. Based on DS1's weight and how the baby is measuring right now he said that his best guess is that at 39 weeks the baby will be around 7 pounds. He then asked whatIsaac was at his 36 week u/s and I said 6 pounds and 6 ounces but that we kinda came to the consensus that he had stopped growing because of all my oxygen/blood pressure issues in those last few weeks. He said "or I was just that wrong but I won't admit that right?" In any event, he said he doesn't *think* I'll birth a 10 pounder...oh please God no, not out of this little pelvis of mine.

The baby is laying on my right pelvic bone and its little head is resting right on top of my bladder. No wonder I have so much pelvic pain and back pain on that side. It's facing up and had the little arms curled in front of its sweet little face. Baby also had his/her leg up in front of its face and had its little foot resting on the forehead. Doc said "gosh I hope that's a girl because boys aren't supposed to be that flexible." He told us that our little one has quite long fingers and toes...must take after its mama and older brother. We could see some chubby little cheeks (or from what it looks like). Cord blood sounds and looks good.

Yay!

05/18/2007 - The latest and greatest updates

Well I'm not running a very good track record here posting so I have lots to share.

First off latest cardiology appointment was on April 23 and things look great. He said my heart is looking good, handling the changes of pregnancy well, blood pressure and heart rate are doing great. He said he doesn't anticipate me having any problems and we'll just go with the flow at this point. I go back to see him on June 19 to for my next mini echo just to check my ejection fraction and to see how things look.

I had my lab studies drawn a few weeks ago for glucose tolerance test, heart enzymes, electrolytes. Heart enzymes are perfect! I passed my glucose test. Thyroid is holding steady at my current dose of Synthroid. The only thing that's a slight concern is that my blood studies showed I'm at the lower ends of normal so I could be leaning towards anemia again. I have to talk to the doc next Wednesday when we go to see if he wants me to take an iron supplement.

We go for our next ultrasound next Wednesday to see how the little one is growing. I'm very excited to see the little bean!

All of my house projects are officially finished. Yesterday we cleaned out the basement and that was my final project I needed to get done. Now I just have to finish up some very minor craft projects and I will have accomplished everything I set out to do before this little one arrives. That is ALOT of stuff accomplished and I am so excited about that!

This little one is moving quite a bit. It's funny because this baby is just like it's older brother in that when we're around people he/she goes nuts! Just like their daddy in a social surrounding I guess.

Speaking of like daddy. Our first little guy is turning into the spitting image of his dad. He is so much like his dad it's kinda crazy!

That's all I have for now because someone (DS1) wants me to play. We're coming down to the end here soon...about 9-10 weeks or so and I'm getting so excited to meet this little baby!

04/21/2007- Catching up on posting...

Again. I know I've been slacking but between cleaning and organizing and life I haven't had the time. Here's where we go...

04/03/2007 - Okay clearly I need to start watching what I'm doing. I am not a sit back and put your feet up kinda gal. I took DS on a walk this morning because it's been so nice outside. Well I took him in the umbrella stroller because I didn't want to get the Graco stroller out of the garage. Um, BAD decision. The handles are lower so my abdomen was aching by the time we got up the street, it is impossible to push down a hill because I sort of had to hunch over it and by the time I got home I was all aches. I won't do that again. Plus, not to mention halfyway through the walk I was having some nice contractions so I was having to huff and puff a few times to get rid of the pains. Sheesh. Graco stroller it is from now on. It rides more smoothly and the handles are up to where I don't have to strain to push it. Speaking of contractions, I've been getting them on and off. I never really had BH contrax with DS1 (well maybe a few times) but with this one I seem to have them pretty regularly. That could be good and bad at the same time. I told DH yesterday that I definitely need to start slowing down. I'm already feeling my body moving into trimester 3 even though I have about three to four weeks before doing so. I remember with DS1 that my body hit 28 weeks and decided it was tired and I had to force myself to rest. Not something this busy body wants to do or hear. So, I'm hard at work getting all the things done that need to be done as I'm slowly running out of energy. My mom is coming up in about two and a half weeks to finish up DS's big boy room. She's doing the border and then she and I will go shopping for his bedding and get his room put together for his big reveal on his birthday. I'm so excited it's going to be done and we can introduce him to his new room for his big 2 years! It is going to be so cute! I can't wait. After that's finished I am pretty much finished with all of my projects that require alot of energy. In the next week or two DH and I plan to clean out the basement so I can go ahead and get the baby stuff washed (carseat, etc.) and ready to go so that I don't have to think about that when it's hot and gross in June. I'm guessing come May we'll go ahead and get the carseat base installed too just in case. It never hurts to be prepared. So basement and DS1's big boy room and then I am officially DONE with everything I wanted to get accomplished (well except my craft projects which are very close to being complete...hopefully in about three weeks). I am so relieved to have met my personal goal of all these things being done. The only other thing I need to do, which I'm going to ask mom to help me with, is washing and putting away all the gender neutral baby clothes. I have a ton of boy clothes so I shouldn't have too much to put away but we'll need to move DS1's clothes into his dresser in his new room and then put the baby's clothes in the wash and fold them and put away in the nursery. That will be part of his big boy room finishing so by the end of April I should be set on just about every project. I'm getting really excited to meet this little one. He or she must be going through a serious growth spurt because I am feeling huge movements and my appetite is out of control right now. I'm feeling "heavy" too in my belly. Baby is sitting very low and at the end of the day my abdomen aches. Oh boy...15 weeks seems like a loonnnggg time from now!Oh I go see the OB tomorrow for my followup appointment. After this visit my next will be my glucose test (mm yum) and then I'll get blood studies drawn again. I go see the cardiologist and endocrinologist at the end of the month for updated labs. I'm thinking everything still looks fine...hopefully. I'm kinda freaked out about my appointment tomorrow because of my weight. I'm scared to see what I've gained in the five weeks since I've seen him. Oh, good news is I'm still in regular pants. I cannot hold up maternity jeans. Yesterday I had on some maternity jeans and I got so sick of pulling them up all day...annoying! I am comfortably wearing some of my friend's low rise Express size 8 jeans. That makes me feel better about myself when my maternity shirts make me look like I'm wearing a tent. Sigh. My ticker says 117 days and counting...this goes so fast. I'm trying with all my might to relish every single kick, hiccup, and flutter I feel since this will be our last baby. Mostly I am focused on my projects right now but have been taking the time to just feel this little one's movement and to watch it bump and kick underneath my skin. I am so grateful for this pregnancy. It's teaching me alot about trust and faith. I am in awe of the little miracle that God creates by fertilizing such a tiny little egg that grows into a baby. Truly amazing...

04/04/2007 - Had my followup appointment today. Everything looks good. We didn't get to listen to the heartbeat because as soon as my doc came in his secretary said "labor and delivery need you now." He's in a practice by himself so he had to go so I told him not to worry about listening to the heartbeat since baby is really active. And the big news? Drumroll please.......At 23.5 weeks pregnant I have officially gained 8 pounds. Time to celebrate! I was so scared I had gained 10-15 pounds in the last five weeks putting me at around 20-25 pounds so far but only at 8. WOOHOO! I'm so excited about that. Guess the exercise and Brewer's are doing the trick. That's about all for now.

04/09/2007 - I don't feel like my stomach is bigger but I definitely feel like the baby is heavier. So I had a little scare last week. Baby is really active at night most of the time and for a few nights it was hardly moving at all. I kept trying to tell myself that the babe had flipped but it still worried me a little because even with poking it wouldn't move. Figures...the little turkey...just like DS1...moved anytime it heard daddy. It's been much more active yesterday and today so I'm thankful for that. I'm feeling very good these days...thank God! I'm getting over a spring cold which is no fun but at least this time around it doesn't seem to have settled in my head, just my sinuses and I'm able to blow my nose and get most of the stuffing out which is a good thing. Mom is coming up next week to help me finish DS1's big boy room. I am SO excited to get this project done...I cannot tell you HOW excited I am! Once that's finished DH and I will conquer the basement and then I am DONE with all of my household projects on my checklist. I am slowly checking off all of my projects on my crafting/sewing list as well. I have a few more things left to do but those are getting done very quickly as I force myself to sit down at the dining room table and conquer them one after the other. I want it all done by the end of May so I have NOTHING but swimming and relaxing to think about for June and July. I have to share a really cute story about DS1. He's at this huge learning stage right now where everything that comes out of ours mouths also comes out of his. It's really rather cute. He likes us to sing Jesus Loves Me and when the song is about to end he says in his sweet little voice "Jesus..." because he wants us to sing it again. You can't get much sweeter than that! He is such a blessing in our lives...every single day we are reminded of God's grace in saving his little life when he was born and we are blessed over and over and over again and reminded of the goodness of God. AMEN!

And that's where we're at. More to come in the next post...

03/31/2007- Almost six months...

So it's been awhile since I wrote...I've been a little distracted lately. With the cleaning and getting my projects caught up (scrapbooking, etc.) I've been slacking on the blogging/journaling.

So I get these little emails each week about how my baby is developing. Here's what it says for this week: Your baby now looks like a miniature newborn, checking in at 10.9 inches and almost 1 pound. Her skin will continue to appear wrinkled until she gains enough weight to fill it out, and the fine hair (lanugo) that covers her head and body is now visible. Your baby's eyes are developed, though the iris (the colored part of the eye) still lacks some pigment. Her pancreas, essential for hormone production, is also developing steadily. Your baby's lips are becoming more distinct, and the first signs of teeth are appearing as buds beneath her gum line. You won't actually see her first tooth until she's around 4 to 7 months old unless she's one of the rare babies who's born with teeth.

I don't know why but this just gave me a huge surge of emotion and desire to hold my little one. I am getting more and more excited every day (and sometimes every hour it seems) to meet this little one. I am very interested to see what we're having. I told DH this past Sunday on our way to church that I will be utterly SHOCKED if we have a girl. It's not that I wouldn't want a girl...I just feel very boy. Maybe I've just convinced myself that this baby is a boy because I'm enjoying my little guy SO much right now. I don't know...perhaps I really am pregnant with a little boy. I'm very ready to take on the role of "queen in my house of blue." If we have a girl I will be equally happy...just a little more surprised. Of course I think I can get used to the idea of girly clothes and things pretty quickly. I always imagined myself as a mom to all boys for some reason. I always said I wanted three boys. I don't really know why. It'll definitely be interesting if we're seeing pink in a few months though. We got to see the baby move yesterday. I've been feeling movement for quite some time but the other day we got to see the little one squirm. We keep trying to get DS to feel it but he won't sit still long enough. I am just in love with this little being that is growing inside of me. God is so faithful and continues to show us His mercy and love every day of our lives!